based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I would fuck him just for his dog
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
