You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
