I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
