At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
