don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
