She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
