Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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