You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
