Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Found the puke drawer
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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