somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
