That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
