Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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