So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
two words...techno handjob
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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