today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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