yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize