We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
