your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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