What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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