ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
