i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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