You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
