i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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