i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
