I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
whose parrot is this?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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