I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
