Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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