he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
