awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
not ubering you a puppy
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
