Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
