Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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