ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize