You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
