just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
