Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm just crazy horny about you
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
