Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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