....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
