I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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