I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
