she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
