A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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