dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
