his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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