they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
