When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
