you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
