Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
