Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
