listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Randomize
