What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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