I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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