You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
