dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Soap is not a condiment
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
