dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize