If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
