And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
