Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Found the puke drawer
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
