I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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