Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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