I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i wish my penis had a tongue
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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