shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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