Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
