I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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