I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
