I wish I only lived at night.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
