Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
