Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
My ATM looks so different sober.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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