I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
