You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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